Thylacine
07-03-2009, 01:31 AM
I was bored at work so I wrote this real quick. I threw some pictures in there so let me know how you like them. I'm aware it can be dense so I apologize in advance but here goes:
Tough guys. We all know them. They do tough guy things because they're so scary and strong. Most of us want to be tough guys. We watch UFC and walk around waiting to pick a fight with anyone for any reason. Personally I hate tough guys. They do the stupidest shit and walk around with the most ridiculous swagger. Even in cars they're shit kicking, rough and tumblers with spurs on their heels and tobacco in their mouths. I was driving my car and I came up to an intersection one time. A motorist facing the opposite direction wanted to make a left turn while I was going straight. I saw he had several cars behind him also making the same turn he was. I made the executive decision to not let him go and proceeded through. I watched as he visibly became angry and rolled down his window. He spat on my car and screamed obscenities at me. I became angry at first and almost fell into the trap of auto-beef. Yes, auto-beef. The gauntlet had been thrown and soon, I would consider throwing a handful of pennies at him responding, “NO U!” to his “FUCK YOU PAL!” We all know what auto-beef is and have experienced it in our lives. Something about sitting inside of 7,000 or so lbs of protective metal brings out the fucking knight in all of us. Because that's what it essentially is. Inside our cars we are armored and suddenly the testosterone level is exponentially increased. We are fair knights of the road ready to do battle with anyone who would challenge our knightliness.
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/b/bf/NO_U.jpghttp://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c359/maddawgc58/fuuuuuuu.png?t=1242249979
I'm sure this isn't the only reason behind this but it sure as hell explains a lot. If you were waiting in line and someone cut you, what would you do? Most of us might open up with a, “Oh, excuse me. I was standing in line.” I'm sure a few would say, “Hey dick. The line starts back that way.” But no one would throw down violently what they were holding and scream, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU,” then proceed to tear the offender's jaw off his face and beat him with it. Or so I thought... someone reading this thinks that's a perfectly reasonable response. Please seek help, future Virginia Tech shooter. That's my point though. We express our aggressiveness pointlessly sometimes. Most of us conduct ourselves civilly but sometimes we don't know how to act. We are unable to vent our aggressive nature appropriately. We deny our natural civil responses. These civil responses are the product of an ancient social contract created when the first group of people decided kicking each other's asses and being in threat of getting your ass kicked impeded your chances of survival, along with getting your shit mauled by bears or giant ass-raping gorillas. There was nothing those early humans could do about the horny gorillas but they could at least work it out between themselves and form some sort of group to keep their anuses gorilla penis free.
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/funny-pictures-white-gorilla-bachelor1.jpg
Social contract is the forebear of society. It lays down the foundation for the polite (polite meaning non violent) social exchanges we now have today. But when we step into our vehicles we have suddenly become road knights and our baser natures take over. If we get cut off it's go time, and we will soon be dueling it out (cutting each other off) until a clear victor is produced of our conflict. We will go so far as to miss our exits to joust it out (by flipping each other off and screaming shit out at a closed window that can't be heard by the other driver) until one of us concedes. Most of these conflicts get resolved without violence but you can't tell me you, or someone you know, hasn't stepped out of a vehicle wielding whatever was within grasp at the time. You know what I'm talking about. At one time in your life you've held a half filled bottle upside down and waved it menacingly at the dick head who cut you off causing you to wear the other half of the contents of your snapple... or something to that effect.
There is something truly sad about auto-beef and the like because it is indicative of our current status as men. We have been reduced to expressing our testosterone in ultimately pointless ways. How many times have you threatened to kick someone's ass because they stole your seat, or they looked at your girl, or they stepped on your shoe? How many asses were almost kicked because someone bumped into you accidentally? The movie (and the book) Fight Club argued that all of this ill directed aggression is the product of a male mind trying to cope with a feminist world. With the advent of social contract we have been robbed of our natural inclination of war. We give up our war right for the benefit of relative social harmony. In essence we are no longer allowed to be men and I guess this drives some of us crazy. We live in a world where our services are out-sourced to other men who specialize in their own controlled and convoluted method of war... We are men facing a masculinity crisis because we are no longer allowed to express that which makes us men in the first place.
There is a degree of truth here but I'm not exactly sure such a feeling is justified. Step back and breathe the next time you fall into the trappings of auto-beef or someone-stepped-on-my-new-nike's-beef. There is a simple solution to releasing all this pent up aggression you might be experiencing when someone takes a fry without your permission. Expand your definition of war to economics and put your manhood in something that counts... err... you know what I mean. Thrust yourself into the soft underbelly of the economy...erf. Uhh. What I'm trying to say is we all struggle to succeed in life in some way or another. Instead of getting mad over petty stupid shit devote that emotion to something that counts. So what that guy's looking at your girl. He's a scrub who will always be looking from the outside in. I say place your arm around her waist with the hand rocking the $500.00 watch and give him a wink. He might scoff or say some stupid remark to try and get an emotional response out of you but just smile and keep on walking. He's just a stationary inconsequential piece of furniture while you're a warrior on the move.
Tough guys. We all know them. They do tough guy things because they're so scary and strong. Most of us want to be tough guys. We watch UFC and walk around waiting to pick a fight with anyone for any reason. Personally I hate tough guys. They do the stupidest shit and walk around with the most ridiculous swagger. Even in cars they're shit kicking, rough and tumblers with spurs on their heels and tobacco in their mouths. I was driving my car and I came up to an intersection one time. A motorist facing the opposite direction wanted to make a left turn while I was going straight. I saw he had several cars behind him also making the same turn he was. I made the executive decision to not let him go and proceeded through. I watched as he visibly became angry and rolled down his window. He spat on my car and screamed obscenities at me. I became angry at first and almost fell into the trap of auto-beef. Yes, auto-beef. The gauntlet had been thrown and soon, I would consider throwing a handful of pennies at him responding, “NO U!” to his “FUCK YOU PAL!” We all know what auto-beef is and have experienced it in our lives. Something about sitting inside of 7,000 or so lbs of protective metal brings out the fucking knight in all of us. Because that's what it essentially is. Inside our cars we are armored and suddenly the testosterone level is exponentially increased. We are fair knights of the road ready to do battle with anyone who would challenge our knightliness.
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/b/bf/NO_U.jpghttp://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c359/maddawgc58/fuuuuuuu.png?t=1242249979
I'm sure this isn't the only reason behind this but it sure as hell explains a lot. If you were waiting in line and someone cut you, what would you do? Most of us might open up with a, “Oh, excuse me. I was standing in line.” I'm sure a few would say, “Hey dick. The line starts back that way.” But no one would throw down violently what they were holding and scream, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU,” then proceed to tear the offender's jaw off his face and beat him with it. Or so I thought... someone reading this thinks that's a perfectly reasonable response. Please seek help, future Virginia Tech shooter. That's my point though. We express our aggressiveness pointlessly sometimes. Most of us conduct ourselves civilly but sometimes we don't know how to act. We are unable to vent our aggressive nature appropriately. We deny our natural civil responses. These civil responses are the product of an ancient social contract created when the first group of people decided kicking each other's asses and being in threat of getting your ass kicked impeded your chances of survival, along with getting your shit mauled by bears or giant ass-raping gorillas. There was nothing those early humans could do about the horny gorillas but they could at least work it out between themselves and form some sort of group to keep their anuses gorilla penis free.
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/funny-pictures-white-gorilla-bachelor1.jpg
Social contract is the forebear of society. It lays down the foundation for the polite (polite meaning non violent) social exchanges we now have today. But when we step into our vehicles we have suddenly become road knights and our baser natures take over. If we get cut off it's go time, and we will soon be dueling it out (cutting each other off) until a clear victor is produced of our conflict. We will go so far as to miss our exits to joust it out (by flipping each other off and screaming shit out at a closed window that can't be heard by the other driver) until one of us concedes. Most of these conflicts get resolved without violence but you can't tell me you, or someone you know, hasn't stepped out of a vehicle wielding whatever was within grasp at the time. You know what I'm talking about. At one time in your life you've held a half filled bottle upside down and waved it menacingly at the dick head who cut you off causing you to wear the other half of the contents of your snapple... or something to that effect.
There is something truly sad about auto-beef and the like because it is indicative of our current status as men. We have been reduced to expressing our testosterone in ultimately pointless ways. How many times have you threatened to kick someone's ass because they stole your seat, or they looked at your girl, or they stepped on your shoe? How many asses were almost kicked because someone bumped into you accidentally? The movie (and the book) Fight Club argued that all of this ill directed aggression is the product of a male mind trying to cope with a feminist world. With the advent of social contract we have been robbed of our natural inclination of war. We give up our war right for the benefit of relative social harmony. In essence we are no longer allowed to be men and I guess this drives some of us crazy. We live in a world where our services are out-sourced to other men who specialize in their own controlled and convoluted method of war... We are men facing a masculinity crisis because we are no longer allowed to express that which makes us men in the first place.
There is a degree of truth here but I'm not exactly sure such a feeling is justified. Step back and breathe the next time you fall into the trappings of auto-beef or someone-stepped-on-my-new-nike's-beef. There is a simple solution to releasing all this pent up aggression you might be experiencing when someone takes a fry without your permission. Expand your definition of war to economics and put your manhood in something that counts... err... you know what I mean. Thrust yourself into the soft underbelly of the economy...erf. Uhh. What I'm trying to say is we all struggle to succeed in life in some way or another. Instead of getting mad over petty stupid shit devote that emotion to something that counts. So what that guy's looking at your girl. He's a scrub who will always be looking from the outside in. I say place your arm around her waist with the hand rocking the $500.00 watch and give him a wink. He might scoff or say some stupid remark to try and get an emotional response out of you but just smile and keep on walking. He's just a stationary inconsequential piece of furniture while you're a warrior on the move.